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Parenting Tips
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Parenting: 6 Observations on Fatherhood
Just the other day my oldest son asked:
“Daddy, am I old enough to call you Dad?”
Won’t be long now before he is asking for the car keys.......
Here are a few things I’m learning as well as some important things I’ve discovered so far about this thing called fathering.
1. You really have to give up the myth of quality time vs quantity time. By the time the average child is 7 years old, they have watched 20,000 commercials. Given that amount of influence, infrequent “quality time” just doesn’t cut it. It has to be quantity time that’s of high quality.
2. As a dad you have been influenced and effected by the generations of fathering that went on before you. By the same token, the fathering we do will not effect only the children in our home. The job we do as fathers, for better or worse, will effect generations to come.
3. Sue Shellenbarer, a columnist for The Wall Street Journal has coined the phrase the “tomorrow trap.” She describes the tomorrow trap as “living for the future, taking refuge in visions of a relaxed and rewarding personal and family life somewhere down the road.....a kind of mirage that people chase while in reality they are burying themselves in work and other pursuits.”
Ouch. Sounds familiar to me, how about you? As dads we have to remember that not only does “someday” never come, it’s not even on the calendar. Spend the savored time now, because today is here.
4. Some of us may not have had the best model for a dad in our own father, or perhaps no model at all. That’s sad and painful. What it is not is an excuse. It can be a springboard for change. Whatever has been handed down to us, we can decide to change in this generation. There is so much information available now on how to do this dad thing.
5. Just he other day a father asked me “how do I play with my little kids.” While it’s sad that the question has to be asked, the answer is really quite simple. Get down on the floor with them, and let them lead. You follow.
6. “Daddy’s home!” are two of the best words in the English language
By Jeff Herring
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to me by e-mail that is a no-brainer idea for an article. One of those came across my desk just the other day. It's called "I Wish I Had a Second Chance."
Like many of these things, the author's name was not included. If anyone knows who the author is, I'd love to know so I can give him or her credit and thanks.
Give it a read, and then let's put some 'hands and feet' on how to use it in your own life.
My hands were busy through the day, I didn't have much time to play the little games you asked me to. I didn't have much time for you. I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook. But when you brought your picture book and asked me to share your fun, I'd say A little later, son.
I'd tuck you in all safe at night and hear your prayers, turn out the light. Then tiptoe softly to the door. I wish I'd stayed a minute more. For life is short, the years rush past ... a little boy grows up so fast. No longer is he at your side, his precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away, there are no longer games to play, no good night kiss, no prayers to hear ... that all belongs to yesteryear. My hands once busy now are still. The days are long and hard to fill. I wish I could go back and do all the little things you asked me to.
If you're like me, you are feeling a little misty. But instead of just getting misty, let's use this to make things a little better.
Let's take a little trip into the future. Let's fast forward five, 10, 20 years from now, when your kids are no longer interested in asking you to do anything with them, much less play.
What does that regret feel like as you look back?
I never want to feel that way. So come back from the future with me, and let's do something about it right now.
How to make the time
Every single one of us is the same in that we each get 24 hours and no more each day. My belief is that we can make the time for the important things if we know how. Here are three strategies to make the time:
1. What keeps you from spending time with your kids?
Whatever it is, I'd suggest evaluating it very carefully and severely. How can you change it? Can you move it around, reschedule it, do it less, give it to someone else to do, or just stop doing it altogether?
2. Date your kids
Set dates-with-Mommy or dates-with-Daddy times. These are one-on-one times to spend with each other. Protect these dates as you would an important business appointment. At least two good things can result:
=>The time is set and protected
=> your kid will feel very special.
Follow them when you play with them
Let them lead and set the agenda. This is going to feel awkward at first, because we are so used to pushing hard, setting agendas and getting things done. Just follow them. One of the many really cool side effects of this is that after you practice this for a while, it can be very relaxing.
One of the many things we can take with us from this story is best said by Patrick Boyle, editor of Youth Today:
The reality is that our to-do lists never end, while our kids' childhoods do.
By Jeff Herring
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Watch What You Say
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold."
"Don't you get any ideas either, Terry."
"Don't you two get any ideas."
The young mother's words to her small children echoed in my head for several days. While I realized she was probably warning them to not do something against her wishes or something that could harm them, I can't help but wonder about the effects that a situation like that, heard over and over for a period of years, will have on their lives and their ability to realize their potential.
Flash forward - It's 20 years later and now little Howard and Terry are all grown up, sitting in a conference room where they both work as marketing managers, having graduated at the top of their classes in college.
The CEO is pacing back and forth saying, "Okay gang, what we need now, if we want to save this company, are some really good ideas." As their bosses words trail off, Howard and Terry are jolted back in time to that day at the Eagle Diner. All they can hear is their mother's voice telling them not to get any ideas. The conflict that this is causing has blocked their creative abilities. The contribution they might have made has been stifled by a poor choice of phrasing some 20 years ago.
I know this sounds a bit extreme but if you stop and think about it, this happens all the time. We are constantly being conditioned by the messages we hear, especially in our formative years.
We use phrases like "don't get smart" and then wonder why children are doing poorly in school. There is a connection. Whatever is repeated, over and over, will be absorbed into the subconscious mind of the person listening, in this case your children. McDonalds knows this, as does every other successful advertiser.
In my seminars I ask people to complete this phrase. Winston tastes good like a ____. Even audience members in their 20's can complete this advertising slogan, though it hasn't been used for more than 20 years. The words you choose and the phrases you use repeatedly will have a lasting impact on your children. Why not choose words that will help them realize their potential as unique, creative, bright, loving, powerful and successful human beings?
Imagine what could happen if you made a habit of using positive, empowering, self-esteem building messages every day? Imagine all your children could become!
Decide right now to create some positive messages you can implant in the young minds of your children. Make a daily habit of using positive messages when speaking to your children.
By Jim Donovan
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More
Effectively.
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I am quite sure that the majority of us learnt it by singing the ABC Song: 'ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP-QRS-TUV-WXY-and-Z...'
There is no doubt that music and songs are one of the best means to teach children new information and knowledge. And over the last 25 years, many researches and studies have been done to find out how music influences our brain and how we can use music to help us learn faster and more effectively. And it has been found that our brain is most open and receptive to incoming information when it is in a special state of relaxation.
That type of relaxation is not to get you into sleep. It's a state of relaxed alertness - what we sometimes call relaxed awareness. For those who learn relaxation techniques such as Yoga, you know it is the state when our brain is at Alpha.
The study of super-memory and the brain started back in the 1950's by a Bulgarian psychiatrist and educator, George Lozanov. After years of research, he concluded that we all have an ‘optimum learning state'. This occurs, he said "when heart-beat, breath-rate and brain-waves are smoothly synchronized and the body is relaxed but the mind concentrated and ready to receive new information."
Lozanov put his research into practice and achieved some amazing results, particularly in foreign-language learning. It was reported that Lozanov had helped Bulgarian students learn 1,200 words in a day, using his method.
Today we know that it is fairly easy for people to achieve that ideal learning state. Deep breathing is one of the first keys. Music is the second.
Music played at different beats and tempos influences our moods differently, and in turn it affects how our mind functions (which determines our actions).
Have you ever noticed how departmental stores use music to sway the mood of their customers within their premise and to regulate the flow of human traffic? During off-peak period, they will play soothing music to help shoppers relax so that they will stay longer in the stores and as a result buy more things. During peak hours when the stores are crowded and they need to get the human traffic to move faster so that more people can come in to the stores, they will play fast and loud music.
Likewise, we can use music to our advantage by helping our children in their learning and enhancing their concentration.
If you would like to put your child in the best state of mind when doing something or learning new skills and knowledge, you can try playing soothing music with a 50 to 70 beats per minute pattern.
The most common music to achieve that state comes from the baroque school of composers, in the 17th and early 18th centuries: the Italian Arcangelo Corelli, the Venician Antonio Vivaldi, the French Francois Coupertin and the Germans, Johann Sebastian Bach and George Frederic Handel.
Some of our favourite music pieces that my wife and I play at home for our children, Ethel and Ethan, when they are at play and learn:
- Vivaldi’s Four Seasons - one of the best-known pieces of baroque music that helps you to shut out other thoughts and visualise the seasons of the year
- Handel’s Water Music - a deeply soothing piece
- Johann Pachelbel’s Canon in D - our favourite to relieve tension
If you have yet to introduce music when educating your child, start using it today; it will put your child in a relaxed, receptive state, helping her focus and learn more effectively.
By Alvin Poh Hee Kwang
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Is Your Behavioural Change Strategy Working?
How can I start getting my children to help out at home?’
Many parent ask me this question. My answer is simple – “It depends!”
Achieving a behavioural change in children is dependent on their age and stage of development, their temperament and attitude, and how set in their ways they are.
Let’s look further at the above helping at home scenario. If the children are four years of age or younger then encouraging them to contribute to their family’s well-being is relatively easy. Most children want to help at home in the early years so it is a matter of parents providing opportunities for them to help and also showing them how they can assist in positive ways. Helping out and independence are habit-forming so the message for parents is start early and hang in there. Young children can help set and clear away meal areas, clear away their toys and help make their beds. Don’t get too fussed about the quality of their endeavours. They wear L-plates in the early years and the prime lesson for them is that they help their family and contribute to their own well-being.
Older children who may have done very little to help can be tough nuts to crack. How do you get a ten year old to help out if he or she has barely lifted a finger to assist in the previous decade? Basically, there are two methods parents can use to get some change in children when habits are entrenched. Either you try to achieve major change straight away or you work away at the margins to affect change.
A parent trying to promote independence in a child can go ‘cold turkey’ and insist that they get themselves up in the morning, make their own lunch, empty the dishwasher and do forth. This is a major change. Parents who take this approach frequently offer rewards such as pocket money or provision of special treats in exchange for help, however rewarders and bribers should be wary. Any parent offering rewards in exchange for help will need deep pockets as today’s jellybeans soon becomes an electronic toy or something equally expensive. Besides they are teaching children to think ‘what’s in this for ME, rather than WE.’ Such parents may be replacing one habit (dependence) with another (self-centredness). !!. I suggest that parental insistence that their children help backed up by sincere and genuine appreciation when they have done the right thing are strong motivators for most kids.
Alternatively, parents can work at the margins and get their children to help little by little. For instance, packing their own lunch may precede making it. Unpacking the cutlery may precede emptying the whole dishwasher. Cleaning ten toys away may precede cleaning the whole room if they have never done it before. Using this method the helping habits sneaks up on children and takes them by surprise.
Either approach is legitimate however sometimes when parents meet with resistance from children or change seems so overwhelming it is better to play around at the margins and go for small changes. We often use the same principle to put some order in our lives when everything seems chaotic. Sometimes just cleaning the clutter away in a bedroom or tidying a desk can help us feel in control and a little clearer when life seems totally disorganised.
Working away at the margins is a strategy many parents have used successfully when they want to get some behavioural change happening at home. Even if children seem totally out of control look for small areas where you achieve some change. Maybe start with them using better manners when they talk with you or insisting they sit at the meal table until everyone has finished. Often small successes bring monumental improvements. Positive change tends to have a snowball affect. Like a snowball rolling down a slope it gathers momentum and increases in size very rapidly.
So what is your usual change strategy? If you get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start then try starting small and working away at the margins. Start where you know you can experience some success and the change will accelerate.
By Michael Grose
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Language Development In Your Baby
From birth to one year your baby will go from crying to cooing to talking. Those are amazing milestones for your baby to accomplishment in such a short period of time as he develops his speech and language skills.
Keep in mind that these stages of your baby’s development are broad and that no baby will fall exactly within the timeframe of these expected milestones.
One month: Your baby will understand speech long before he begins to speak. From birth he will look at your face and listen to your voice. He will make a small range of noises that will start to mean something to you, such as his way of exhibiting hunger or pain. These noises will include crying and certain sounds that your baby makes while he is breathing. When your baby is feeding he will make sucking noises and sound of contentment.
Your baby’s cry is an important way for him to communicate. Crying lays the foundation for speech as your baby learns to control the air that comes from his lungs and learns how to use his vocal cords. Crying is your baby’s way of telling you that he is hungry, upset, or cold. By listening carefully to your baby and responding to his cries you are letting him know that he is important. This is how your baby first learns to communicate with you.
Two months: Your two-month old baby is starting to pay more and more attention to his world. He will be fascinated by the sound of your voice and will follow it around the room with great concentration. The different tones of you voice will keep him interested for short periods of time.
Your baby will respond with a variety of cooing sounds, vowel-like sounds, and sometimes some consonant sounds such as a “k”. You will find that your baby has quite a collection of cooing sounds that she uses to communicate with you as well as discover how to use the sound of her own voice.
Talk to your baby as much as possible to encourage her cooing response. Look directly into your baby’s eyes to show that you are listening. This helps to establish signals of communication between the two of you.
Three months: Your baby will recognize your voice and will turn towards you when he hears you talking. He will be starting to laugh out loud and will often startle himself until he learns that he is the one making the sound. Your baby will be making sounds such as “ahhhh gooo”. He will squeal when he is happy and content, again often startling himself as he learns his own abilities.
Continue to talk to your baby as much as possible, as well as sing to him and read him stories. The more you communicate with him and let him know that you are listening the more he will attempt to communicate with you.
Four months: Your baby is learning more and more ways to communicate with you. He will be smiling spontaneously at everything around him. His soft babbling will have an almost singsong sound to it, often ranging into a high pitch that delights him as he learns to like the sound of his own voice. There will be lots of repetition to the sounds that your baby makes.
Make sure that you respond to your baby’s “oohs” and “ahhs” with your own voice tones. This is your “chat time” with your baby and you should take advantage of these chatty times as he learns what conversation is all about. Your baby may also be starting to let you know when he’s not in the mood for talking with you. He will turn his head in the other direction and may put his arm over his face. He may be showing signs of anger or frustration by crying out, especially if something is taken away from him.
Five months: Your baby is becoming better at communicating. He may start to mimic sounds and gestures which allows him to express his needs. He’ll be able to let you know if he’s happy or sad. When your baby wants attention he’ll start to babble until you respond to him. If you respond to his cooing, laughing sounds he’ll repeat his noises often because he knows that he can get your attention this way.
Your baby will now be watching your mouth when you talk. If you talk to him from across the room he’ll be able to locate you easily. He is learning to control his vocal sounds as watches your response to his sounds.
Six months: Your baby is now using consonant-vowel combinations. He has discovered his image in the mirror and is probably having conversations with his new “playmate”. Your baby’s language is becoming much more precise. There are several ways that you can help him to continue to develop his language skills by:
· Speaking clearly, slowly, and accurately.
· Identify objects as you say their names.
· Use short sentences.
· Use repetition when singing songs and nursery rhymes; the repetition will help him to learn.
· Read as often as you can to your baby, asking questions about the pictures in the books so that your baby is interacting with you.
· Never talk “at” your baby, let him respond in his own way.
Seven months: Your baby continues to learn how to use his language skills. He has learned how to wave goodbye and may accompany his wave with babbling sounds. He can say “mama” or “dada”.
Eight months: Your baby is playing games such as pat a cake and peek-a-boo. Even though he can’t speak the words that belong to these games, he can babble and talk to himself. Your baby understands the word “no” means, even though he doesn’t like hearing them?
Nine months: Continue to play lots of games with your baby, especially those games that involve singing. Your baby is responding to small sentences, such as “Take mommy’s hand.”
Ten months: Your baby’s language skills continue to develop. He is using his own gibberish language to interact with you and have a conversation.
Eleven months: Your baby can now say short, one syllable words such as “bye” and continues to talk in his conversational gibberish language. There are several ways that you can help your baby as he learns and practices his language skills:
· Talk often to your baby using simple words to identify objects in his life. Name trees, numbers, colors, and animals as you take your baby for a walk. Use your baby’s name as often as you can so he starts to recognize it.
· Be patient and listen when your baby talks to you. Respond to his talk in a positive way, often repeating one or two of the words he has used correctly.
· Introduce concepts to your baby, such as the “big” dog or the “little” mouse.
· Give your baby time to get his words out; don’t be tempted to complete sentences for him.
· Continue to read to your baby as much as possible. Reading should be part of your daily routine.
Twelve months: At the one year mark your baby’s language skills are continuing to progress as he discovers more and more about the world around him. Before you know it your baby will be talking non-stop as he masters his language and vocal skills.
By Lily Carter
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : Top 100 Baby Names and Helpful Tips To Consider When Naming Your Baby
Are you an expectant parent anxiously waiting for that little package of joy? Yet, you and your spouse are still looking for that perfect name? Well...fret no more! The list of the top 100 baby names may be the answer to your prayers.
Searching for your baby's name is loads of fun! Whether you're seeking a name for your soon-to-be baby boy or baby girl, you and your spouse should be curious about what names in the top 100 are currently hot.
What is particularly interesting is tracking the popularity of baby names over the decades. In looking through baby name lists from 1880 to the present, some amusing patterns emerge, particularly in regards to baby names for girls.
For example, in Victorian times, Biblical names such as Mary, Sarah and Ruth were very popular for baby girls. There were also many baby names that are now considered very old-fashioned like Martha, Alice, Bertha and Minnie.
From the 1920s to the 1950s certain baby names rose in popularity. These included names such as Susan, Debbie, Patricia, and Linda. All of these baby names have since waned, to be replaced, by the 1980s, with fancier names such as Jennifer, Jessica and Nicole.
However, according to the new top 100 baby names, there's been a lot of renewed interest in the more "old-fashioned" names like Hannah, Abigail and Ethan, plus many Biblical names such as Sarah, Rachel, Joshua, Jacob, and Samuel. There's also been a surge in nontraditional baby names including Madison, Ashley and Brianna for baby girls, and Brandon and Logan for baby boys.
When naming a baby there are, of course, many other points to consider besides how popular or unique a name is. Here are some helpful tips that you can use with your spouse and immediate family in choosing a name for the new baby and to make the process fun:
1. Baby names need to go nicely with the sound of your last name. Also, pick a first name and a middle name that go together well. (So maybe not something like Erasmus Beelzebub Jones!)
2. When your family finds a name you all like, observe the initials to be sure that you don't give your new baby a name with initials that will make people laugh or cause teasing by his or her peers. (For example: Pamela Iris Greer, which equals pig!)
3. You might not want a baby name that is so unusual that the other kids will make fun of your child in school which could result in low self esteem. So please do not be selfish when choosing a name.
4. You also might not want a baby name that is so trendy that it will sound funny by the time the baby is ten years old. (For example... Sunshine.)
5. Be careful not to pick a name that's really cute for an adorable little baby but will sound silly when your little one grows up. (For example, Dimples or Cutie Pie.)
6. Avoid baby names that might produce insulting nicknames when people shorten them. (So maybe not Smellonius, or Smelly for short !)
7. You and your family might not want a name that is so hard to spell or to pronounce that people will always get it wrong and therefore, your poor son or daughter will have to go through their entire life correcting people.
8. You and your family might want to pick baby names in honor of favorite relatives or ancestors, or special names that show your family's ethnic roots. You may even want to borrow a name from one of your favorite celebrities or sports athelete.
9. Study the top 100 baby names and choose one that has a special meaning that you like - maybe something that means "strong" or "kind" or "brave".
10. Look at your own family names and see if using any name combinations create unusual baby names you like. Ask other family members for their suggestions, even invite your friends to give you their opinions. Does a relative have a name you like? Be careful if the name is already being used. Ask other family members to be sure your favorite unusual baby names are not given to relatives. It can become confusing in families when two people have the same names.
Conclusion
Have fun and enjoy viewing the top 100 baby names when choosing your child's names. Celebrate the moment. You will find out it was worth every minute spent deciding upon that baby boy or baby girl name...a name that will identify them for their lifetime.
By Christy Hollis
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : How To Teach Your Children Social Skills
As our children grow, they will be going to schools and interacting with lots of different people other. For example, friends and teachers. Hence it is necessary to teach them the social skills that enable them to get along with others, work as part of a group, follow rules, make and keeps friends and act with confidence. These abilities also help our children to build good character.
Families have a profound influence on the early development of our children social abilities and skills. If they enjoy love, warming relationship with parents, siblings, grandparents and other relationships, they will have a strong foundation in form good relationship with other people. They will be more understanding about how other people feel and have the ability to treat other the way they want and how they should be treated by others.
To help children acquire the basic social behavior, parents must set the proper expectation, rules, rewards and punishment associated with those rules and more important set themselves as good examples for their children. Your children learn by observing what you as their parents do and how you behave in your daily life - e.g. how you treat and interact with your spouse, eldest and friends. As they begin interact with others, your kids will model their behavior on actions he has witnessed at home.
Following are some of the important social skills that you will want to work with your children:
Learning that Others Have Their Own Views and Feelings
I have seemed adults hold very strong views about certainly things and they try to impose their views onto others. This often results in tension and uneasiness in the relationship. It is not something healthy.
It is important for parents to teach their children from young that others have their own opinions and feelings. They need to learn to respect them and know that it is perfectly okay for people to have different views. With this understanding, children can then begin to develop empathy - the ability to discern and share another's feelings or ideas. It is the ability to put themselves into some else's shoe that make them willing to share, take turns, cooperate and treat their friends with kindness and respect.
Preschoolers usually do not have a clear sense of empathy. However you can help them begin to understand by talking about other people's thoughts and feelings. At home, I teach my preschool daughter empathy by asking her question such as:
"How do you think Sarah will feel if someone takes her toys without asking her permission?"
"How mummy and daddy will feel if you hurt yourself?"
"How would you feel if none of your friend didn't ask you to join them when they are playing?"
Often she will provide a sensible answer and follow by the proper action. When parents practice these often and long enough with their children, they will form the habit of being empathetic and sensible children who are welcome and love by their friends.
Recognize Rules
We need to help our children know that they are certain rules of proper social behaviors. For example, no hitting of others, no cutting of queue, wait for others to finish talking before they can talk, ask for permission if they want to take something that doesn't belong to them etc.
Sharing
Sharing does not come automatically to most young children. Often they learn this skill by observing their parents.
I know of some parents who in general are not very generous with their things. And their young children demonstrate this selfish characteristic very clearly when they interact with their playmate. For example, I have observe some of children refusing to share their toys when they are playing with their friends, quickly and quietly keep all the good things for themselves and leave the not so good ones for their friends etc - they all have not so generous parents.
If we want to make friends and build good relationship with others, we need to be generous. Generosity does not have to be related to material things; it can be sharing of love and care, ideas, knowledge etc. At home, I often share this teaching with my loved ones include our young children
"The more we share, the more we get"
Taking Turns
Taking turn is one form of sharing that requires little children to do something hard - wait. It is important to practice this because there are plenty of turn takings in school - waiting to answer until the teacher calls, waiting for their turn to touch the rabbit in the science concern, waiting for their turn to play with an interesting gadget etc.
Respecting Others' Properties
In school, your kids will be surrounded by many children with their own things such as books, stationary, toys, food etc. They need to learn how to treat their friends' things and handle them with care when their friends lend anything to them. And parents must teach their children the proper way of making a request if they want to borrow something from others and how to show their appreciation if their wishes are granted. Teach them the proper use of words like “May I...", "please" and "thank you"
Working With Others
Help your children learn to cooperate and help out their friends in schools or when they are in a project team. The best way to teach them at home is to get them to share the work of family chores and housework. Get your children to help you tidy-up up the rooms; help you to clean the table after meals etc. Tell them that they belong to the family and it is important for them to help in keeping the house clean so that everyone can enjoy a good environment. And when they help out, they will have more time from mummy and daddy reading and playing with them - this method works very well in our home.
Being Polite
Children are more apt to get off to a good start in school and be more confident of their own social skills if they learned to treat others with courtesy. Teach your children to say words like "please", "thank you", "yes Sir/ Madam" etc.
Social skills emerge slowly in children. Parents need to persevere in teaching them. Often you'll have to go over rules again and again, talk to your children many times about the right and proper way to behave and treat others. Children need to be guided and reminded and corrected - no matter how well disposed they are.
By Alvin Poh Hee Kwang
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : How To Teach Your Children Self-Reliance and Potential
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd highly recommend parents teach their children.
Self-reliance refer to the acceptance of responsibility for and the consequence of one's own actions and performance. It is so common to see people blame luck, circumstance or someone else for things that are not up to expectation. If a person want to be successful, he must take responsibility of his action and results, whether it is a positive or not so positive result.
Potential means trying to be one's best self and asking the best from oneself. It also refer to the conscious rejection of mediocrity.
Self-reliance has to do with taking the blame for negative things that happen And potential has to do with taking a little credit and taking the right kind of pride in what we are able to become and able to accomplish.
A person with both self-reliance and potential helps others by accepting responsibility and doing their best i the world Those who don't have these values often hurt others by blaming them and by failing to develop the gifts and talents that could serve or enlighten or benefit other people.
Set Yourself As Role Model
Demonstrate to your children that you value these values and live by the principles. Show your children how you are doing your best to improve. Talk about things you think you're good at and working to be better at them.
For example in our home, I value my family greatly. I want to have as much time as possible with my loved ones and see my children grow and develop in the best possible way. To achieve this goal, I do not like to work for others in a corporate environment. I want to run my own businesses from home. And over the years I have learned and developed the skills and knowledge that allows me to do internet businesses from home and building relationship with people on the net. It is a strength that I am proud of and it helps me to fulfill my goal of having more time with my family. I communicate often to our 4-year-old daughter about this goal and explain to her about the things I do on the internet. She often see me reading books and learning about online businesses. I also promise her that papa will teach her these internet business skill along the way. She is also very happy about what I do because she can now see her dad more often at home.
In setting yourself up as an example to your children, show pleasure in things you do well. Also, be obvious about taking the responsibility for mistakes you make. If you have done something wrong, tell your children "Dear, it is papa's fault. I could have done differently by..."
Watch Your Children
Help your children recognize their gifts and develop their natural potential. We must know our own potential before we can reach it. Your children have their own uniqueness and you can't mould them into whatever you please. Rather, they are like 'seeds' which have their own and distinct gift and potentials.
We can never change an oak into an apple tree. But we can watch and recognize as early as possible who they are - and then nourish and encourage them to be the best of whatever they are. As parents, we must find out who our children truly are and not confirm them to who and what we wish they were or extend our own egos on them.
For example, if your children are talented in arts, music, or sports and have the aspiration to do something related to their talents when they grow up, don't impose your desire on them that they must be doctors, lawyers or engineers. Success does not confine to just certain occupations or jobs.
Praise Your Children
To help your children build self-reliance, you need to reinforce their self-image, individuality and build their confidence in believing in themselves. Research has shown that well rounded and happy children often comes from home with very supportive parents and receive regular praise and recognize from people they love.
Catch your children doing something good and when they do, praise them effusively. When they make mistakes. help them accept responsibility for it and then praise that acceptance to the point that their pride in their self-reliance outshines their concern over the shortcoming.
When our children posses the value of self-reliance and potential, they feel the growth of individuality and self-esteem. If they don't. they tend to become followers in the standard ruts of life. And we as parents can help a great difference.
By Alvin Poh Hee Kwang
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Published : September 05, 2008 | Unrated |
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Abstract : The Seven Keys to Child Obedience
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult.
However, obedience cannot be forced upon the child. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorderin some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.
Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us, but to get them to want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if the parent’s commands are based upon seven principles.
1-Loving Concern for the Child
A child knows quickly whether a parent’s demands are for the sake of the child or for the personal convenience of the parent. If the parent’s primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier, then the child learns to place his own interests first, also. If you want to be successful in raising your child, then your reason for giving orders must be for the benefit of your child. When your child senses that your demands are for his sake, he will much more readily obey you. He knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands made of him, no matter how unpleasant, come from a genuine concern for his welfare.
2-Sincere Respect for the Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well practiced by our society. Western society focuses on possessions. Somehow in the back of many parents’ minds their children are counted among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not objects, but people. As people, they are deserving of respect. We must remember to give respect to our child to the same degree we would like others to respect us.
3-Patience
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity. However, if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes. One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions in check.
4-Speak Softly
Nothing gains a child’s cooperation more than a gentle tone of voice. Speaking softly helps us to control our negative emotions, especially anger. A soft voice soothes and is more likely to be met with cooperation. It creates a relaxed atmosphere and is reassuring to children.
When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our children that we are in control of the situation and not merely reacting to it. If the only step you take is to control the volume of your voice, particularly in stressful situations, that alone will foster better child compliance. You will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.
5-Make Moderate Demands
No one likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different. Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we must take steps to correct every misdemeanor that we see. When the orders become excessive or arbitrary the parent becomes more like a dictator that an educator.
If you place a lot of obligations on your child, then your child is going to resent and resist your authority. One of the most important steps in getting your child to listen to you is to reduce the amount of demands that you place upon him. This will require you to stay calm and overlook a lot of childish behavior. Commands should be made thoughtfully and be within reasonable limits. The general rule is that if a certain behavior is not something your child will be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous, then you should not make it a priority to correct.
6-Follow Through
Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far, you will still need to give your child orders. When you do so, you must be firm and make sure that your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook disobedience. This is the end will erode your authority as a parent.
You should only make moderate and well thought out demands on your child. However, when you do make those orders your child must fulfill them. If we want our children to take our words seriously, then we must show them that we are serious.
7-Be Free with ‘Yes’, but not with ‘No’
We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us. They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.
In addition, we should try to temper our use of ‘no’. Try not to avoid saying ‘no’ whenever possible. For example, if your child wants to have a treat before dinner and you want him to eat first, rather than say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ say, ‘yes, after dinner.’ This small change in the way you use the words ‘yes’and ‘no’ will change your child’s perception from the feeling that most of his desires are being denied to that most of them are being granted.
Conclusion
It is natural for a child to want to obey his parents. It is also necessary for his proper growth and development. Applying these seven keys will help you to make it easier for your child to obey you.
By Anthony Kane, MD
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